


A White Wave

by Lunan95



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bigender, Bigender Jenny Blackwood, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical The Beholding Content (The Magnus Archives), Cis Elias Bouchard, Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Implied/Referenced Character Death(s), LGBTQ Themes, Loyalty, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Romance, Soft Elias Bouchard, Unisex Names
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunan95/pseuds/Lunan95
Summary: Jenny was always sure that she was a girl.She used to have long hair, she wore skirts and liked the color pink. Until sometimes she didn't felt like a girl and being called a girl sometimes hurt. There were something about being referred as a girl during her "phases" that felt incredibly wrong. But everyone just said that she's just confused, that's all.Until she wasn't when Elias opened her eyes, so to say. The Beholding may be a little involved, as well.
Relationships: Jenny Blackwood & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Jenny Blackwood/Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus
Kudos: 2





	1. Name | Identity

**Author's Note:**

> So...since I've hit a serious block when it comes to updating my other, ongoing fics, I decided to dedicate a little week of Jenny-content. Only to realise that it's Friday and then I went "well, I just post stuff until next friday, in that case."
> 
> And here we are. The first prompt, to kick this Jenny-week off is "Name | Identity". 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> -Lunan

Jenny cut off her braids when she was eight. 

  
Martin wasn't happy, but he tried to understand why she did that. It was hard when Jenny just clammed up, silent and glaring at the floor as if it had offended her personally.  
  


"But can't you tell me at least why?" Martin pressed for an answer. "Is the boys teasing you at school? Did they pull your hair?"  
  


Jenny wanted to scream at him, that she just _hated_ her braids, just today. She didn't wanted to be a girl today.  
  


He didn't got to find out because their mother did and she was very angry at what Jenny did, because they didn't _need_ to attract more attention. Things was bad enough when Dad had left and Grandad was dead. _We don't need you throwing a tantrum_ , her mother said coldly.  
  


Mum sent her upstairs without dinner.   
  


But Martin, being a good big brother, snuck some sandwiches for Jenny, after Mum's gone to sleep.  
  


Maybe he didn't understand. But he always tried.

* * *

When she was eleven, Jenny tore up the dress she must always wear at...fancy gatherings. It was white with pink flowers, with a flowing skirt and short sleeves.  
  


Mum always forced her to wear that horrible thing. Jenny just panicked at the mere thought of wearing that again, now when some distant cousin was getting married.  
  


It felt so...wrong. The edge of the skirt was too short, it showed off her legs and she always felt the wind nearly hike it up.   
  


Jenny had just stared at her reflection in the tall mirror, holding the dress in front of her and her mind screamed.   
  


_**Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwron-  
  
** _

Jenny wasn't...Jenny today. This wasn't her...they? Him?  
  


**_Him._ **   
  


It felt... _right_.  
  


One glance at the hateful dress, trapping her into something he absolutely _hated..._ and Jenny's desperation to escape that awful thing came to a solution.  
  


Scissors in hand, Jenny cut it and ripped it into pieces.  
  


Gone...finally gone.   
  


Mum was furious at him. So angry that she didn't wanted to see or even acknowledge Jenny at all.  
  


Martin found her a nice, blue dress short with short sleeves and a pair of dark trousers.   
  


Suddenly Jenny felt that he could breathe. Just for today.

* * *

For the second time in her life, Jenny cut the hair short again.   
  


It was best so.  
  


Today Jenny wasn't "he".  
  


But better safe than sorry. Sometimes the "phase" came randomly, as Jenny least suspected it.  
  


She was seventeen then. Jenny had lived in London with Martin for a few years now. It felt easier, but she still felt out of place.   
  


Things grew worse at school. Her classmates kept staring at her, wherever Jenny went. Girls travelled in groups, glancing at her and whispering. Boys who smirked and muttered things to their mates as their eyes never left Jenny.  
  


 _'They know...theyknowtheyknowtheyknowtheyknow-'_ Jenny's panicked thoughts raced in her mind, confirming what she already knew.  
  


Jenny nearly cracked under the pressure when she felt their eyes travelling over her, feeling their gaze on her body...  
  


Once again, a desperate move.   
  


Jenny bought a binder online. _He_ nearly ripped the package open and put it on. Then Jenny could breathe again.

* * *

Being with Elias was so easy. It felt so simple and natural.  
  


It felt like...he knew and understood.  
  


Jenny came to one of their dates, dressed in trousers and in dress shirt with a bowtie (which felt a little too much). The hair was combed at the side, trying to look masculine enough to be taken seriously as a he.  
  


Elias looked at Jenny, his eyes were looking at his lover. But he didn't said anything about the attire, he just called for a waiter who took their orders.  
  


"You are very handsome today." Elias said when the waiter left.  
  


Jenny was flustered. "Oh-! Um...thank you..."   
  


It was silent only for a few more seconds until Elias spoke again. "Which pronouns do you prefer?"  
  


"Huh?" Jenny exclaimed.  
  


Elias' grey eyes were usually cold and calculating. But tonight, they looked viviv and enchanting. "I just happened to notice that...you shift a lot, when it comes to gender. Although perhaps gender is just a social contruct, after all..." He remarked dryly.  
  


Witty. Jenny liked that.  
  


"I'm a him...today." Jenny finally confessed. "I...I shift between being a woman and a man. Is it weird...to you?"  
  


Elias shook his head. "Not for me. You are lovely and clever, regardless if you are woman or man."  
  


Jenny felt his cheeks heat up and he couldn't help than to smile. Elias liked him.  
  


 _Him_.   
  


"Although, I think we should have a gender neutral name for you. Only if you want." Elias suggested and poured water for them, from the caraff. "Being Jenny doesn't quite feel right when you are a man."  
  


"No...I suppose not." Jenny said, that thought had always bothered him. Jenny never felt right when he was male.  
  


Elias leaned towards him, elbows on the table and his hands resting under his chin as if Jenny was on a job interview. "Well, how about...Jen? It sounds quite masculine and it doesn't stray from your birth name."  
  


"Jen...I'd like that."  
  


Elias always smirked, but it was so charming and his eyes seemed to nearly glow. "Well then...Jen. How about we'll have a cup of coffee at my place, after dinner?"  
  


Jen felt his heart fluttering and he smiled so brightly. "Sounds great, Elias."  
  


Afterwards, Elias let him keep on the binder as they had a very intense...moment of intimacy, at his posh townhouse.  
  


Elias never misgendered Jen at all.


	2. Loyalty | Choices | Beholding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon shares a special bond with Martin's sister, Jenny. 
> 
> Once, she was just a name who was simply lost. 
> 
> Then she was a hand he held when they were inside a mirror's dimension, unable to see and only had trust.
> 
> Later, he brought her with him when they were on the run from a murder scene. She was there for everything; jumping for his defense, weather he was burned or falling or chased.
> 
> Jon wonders sometimes that if he really chose the Beholding like Elias says...then what does that make of Jenny?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw; police brutality, slight blood and gore (not too badly), physical violence, nausea, referrenced character deaths.
> 
> A little insight at Jon's perspective of Jenny, during s2 and s3. The prompts is about their loyalty to each other, the choices they make and their connection to the Beholding.

When Jon first heard of her name, it was just what it was; a name with an unknown face.  
  


A stranger. An unseen relation to his subordinate and assistant, Martin.   
  


However, it was just a name so he paid it no mind. Until it became relevant, when he realized that she was a prisoner inside a cursed mirror.   
  


Jon had panicked when he didn't see his own reflection in the mirror's glass, but of someone he had never met before. The young adult had been engulfed by the shadows, barely seen because of the darkness. Staring at him with brown eyes, silently pleading and begging for help.   
  


_You know I'm here...please, don't leave me here..._   
  


Jon couldn't find it in his heart to leave this poor girl to her fate, never to be found of anyone. Left to the mercy of whatever horrible monster that had trapped her there...or worse, may be there in the shadows with her, just waiting for their prey to become weak enough to kill...  
  


He made his choice, there were no question about that and he must do something.  
  


Even if he was afraid whatever thing this mirror was or what it did...  
  


Or what monster may lurk in the shadows...

* * *

Jon couldn't see well in this darkness, not more than his hands in front of himself and any wall he came close to...it felt smooth as glass and his eyes stared at his reflection.   
  


It was a world of mirrors and darkness, it felt like a maze and Jon knew something lurked in the shadows, moving about and it scared him if he would even slip...  
  


The first touch that wasn't of a mirror's glass...that was how he knew it was Jenny.  
  


Her hand was soft, trembling and a little cold. But he could feel it warm against his own, the vein in her wrist had a pulse and it comforted him.   
  


They weren't alone anymore.  
  


Not him and not Jenny.  
  


They had met now officially and they were together.  
  


"Are you Jenny?" Jon asked.  
  


And she answered.  
  


"Yes." It was a small voice, similar to Martin's northern English accent. It was more high octave than him, but the same comforting warmth. "Who are you then? I saw you, in the mirror glass-"  
  


"Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute." Jon answered, it would make sense to introduce himself for someone who has never met him. "I know your brother-"  
  


"I know who you are."  
  


Well, he didn't expect that one.  
  


Jon was bewildered. "You do? How?"  
  


"You're Martin's new boss, right? He's getting transferred to the Archives, he told me...uh, was it last week? I think so."  
  


Christ...how long has Jenny been here? Martin being transferred...it wasn nearly a year ago! Has his sister been imprisoned inside this...pocket world for nearly a year?  
  


"It hasn't been a week, Jenny. You've been gone for nearly a year. Your brother thinks you're dead!"  
  


He couldn't see her face, but he could hear her inhale sharply. Probably in shock.  
  


"D-dead? Martin thinks I'm dead?! But...I don't-a year...what am I doing here?!"   
  


"You...you don't remember?" Jon asked as gently he could, comfort has never been his strong suite and he had no idea how to calm down someone who's most likely to panic over a lost year.  
  


"No, I do! I came back to the Institute at night, I needed to see Elias and then I saw this mirror-"  
  


"Elias?!" Jon wasn't bewildered anymore, he was shocked down to his core. "How do you know Elias?!"  
  


Jenny let out a little playful scoff. "We've met by coincidence, I was just a part of the field trip with my uni class. Then we kept meeting up because we found an...um, understanding."  
  


Jon didn't know what to make of this. "...are you-ah, do you like him?"  
  


"I should hope so, we're together in the romantic sense."  
  


Jon's head nearly spun around in confusion. _Elias_...together with _Jenny_ , Martin's younger sister...this can't be proper at all, could it?  
  


"How about you tell me everything from the beginning while we try to find a way out of here?" Jon suggested, he felt incredibly uncomfortable by how the shadows behind them seemes to flicker alive.  
  


Jenny squeezed his hand back as an answer for yes. "Then you can tell me what have happened in the year I was gone?"  
  


Jon chuckled a little, he could agree to such a deal.

* * *

Once they were back in their reality, they were both so dehydrated and weakened that they needed medical aid.  
  


Jon had been gone for nearly a week once they returned to the archives, Martin had been beyond worried for his sake and Tim had tried to file for a missing person report to the police. Elias had stopped him, believing that it won't be necessary and Jon would return soon.  
  


Not that Jon lasted longer than Jenny could, as they finally collapsed on the floor.   
  


His mouth felt so dry, his body was so sore and weak and his head was swimming in some sort of a misty cloud. His stomach was aching of pure hunger...  
  


Jenny lied beside himself, they hands were barely touching and she was pale as snow with dark bags under her closed eyes...unconscious.  
  


It didn't mattered how much his body was hurting or how weak and exhausted he was, Jon couldn't bring himself to close his eyes and succumb into the same state of deep sleep as her. His eyes were awake all the time, watching tirely as they were cared for. Martin tried to help them as much he could while Tim had whipped out his phone to call for paramedics.   
  


Jon felt himself being carried on a stretcher...then inside an ambulance, his eyes never leaving Jenny's pale and still body...  
  


What if it was too late? What if Jenny was only kept alive in that pocket world, because of her illusion that she was only gone for a short time? She had been gone for nearly a year, she'd likely starved to death if it was in their real world.  
  


No. She can't die, just like this...he won't let it happen!  
  


A willpower surged in him, his arms were heavy as lead but he struggled to move it and reached towards the stretcher beside his own, for her hand.  
  


Jon's hand grasped Jenny's, feeling a flicker of life as her fingers twitched at the pressure.   
  


_Alive_...she was alive. There was hope and Jon could see it now.

* * *

Despite everything, Jenny stuck by his side.  
  


_"Jon? What is going o-"_   
  


_Jon had just grabbed her wrist, dragged her with himself in pure panic and fear. "N-no time! We have to go, NOW!"_   
  


And they had ran into the rainy London streets, fleeing from the Institute...from Elias, from Leitner's dead body in his office...everything!  
  


Taking shelter at Georgie's place, they were safe there and no one would even think of finding them there.  
  


_"I get that you're here, but I still don't know who that girl is. But she's really cute!"_   
  


_"She's uh...my co-worker's younger sister and my friend. Not to worry, there is nothing between us!" Jon said hastily. "It's...complicated. And appearently, in a relationship with my boss."_   
  


_Georgie blinked and glanced to the living room, where Jenny was cuddled up in blankets and the Admiral in her lap, purring happily._   
  


_"What's your deal with her then? You seem awfully close for being friends."_   
  


_Jon hesitated, but decided to be honest about it. "Let's say we were in a life-threating situation and we have a strong friendship built on that. Besides, it's not my story to tell."_   
  


_But it turns out, Jenny was more than happy to tell the story behind it and Georgie was very impressed by her boldness and her willpower, in spite of the fear Jenny felt._   
  


Jon asked her to not come with him when he was going to meet with this Jude Perry character.  
  


She didn't listen.  
  


Jenny saw Jon's hand being burnt by her and jumped into action, she attempted to attack Jude with a stick and failed. Jude just had to grap her left wrist and then she was down, writhing in agony with tears streaming down her face, twisted up in pain.

  
_"Why did you do that?!" Jon nearly screamed at her, half-furious and half-scared for her sake. "I told you to stay back!"_   
  


_Jenny struggled to calm down. "I-I couldn't just stand there...watch while you were...h-hurt." She gasped out and cried out in pain, the skin of her wrist were blistering._

  
_He didn't had the heart to be more angry at her, Jon helped her back to Georgie's flat and tried to care for the angry burn as much he could with one hand. It didn't go well and soon enough, Georgie came back and begrudgingly took care of their burns while scolding them for being so stupid._   
  


Jon knew he couldn't keep Jenny away from this as much he wished to. She was far too involved in this and if he tried to stop again, she'll do something reckless in response.   
  


At least he could protect her if Jenny was within his sight.  
  


That's what he thought.  
  


The meeting with MIke Crew went awful, despite Jenny's attempts to be diplomatic about the whole thing. Jon was impatient and needed answers, so he pressed on. Jenny kept trying to tell him to calm himself and let Mike answer if he felt for it, even if her curiousity was burning more and she asked more respectfully.  
  


And then they fell.  
  


_Jenny was trying to breathe, motion sickness pooled in her stomach and her face was written in terror. Hands on her throat, nails nearly clawing at the skin in desperation of breathing fresh oxygen. Her brown eyes were widened of fear...the fear of falling endlessly._   
  


_Jon attempted to scream, but to no avail as he was falling and felt just as helpless._   
  


_Mike Crew was unphased by it. "Not to worry, I would let her live, of course. Everyone knows who she is. At least the young miss was polite enough. Although...maybe I’ll let you live, allow you to drag yourself back down to your den, but… you need to learn some respect."_   
  


Then they didn't had time to think when Daisy suddenly appeared.   
  


And it was horrible.  
  


_"She then. Human?" Daisy's eyes pointed at Jenny who was trembling at the sight of her. Poor Jenny was frightened so badly that she was unable to speak, she could only watch in terror._   
  


_Jon answered quicker than fire, suddenly scared for her life. "Yes, she's human! She's innocent, she's just a girl-"_   
  


_"Hmph." It was obvious that Daisy didn't believe it, but let it slide because Jon just said she was human._   
  


_Even if...Jon was starting to doubt if Jenny really was. But she's never harmed anyone, neither out of accident or by malice._   
  


And then at the forest, in the middle of nowhere...everything that was already at it's worst point just became even worse.  
  


_Jenny had collapsed on her knees, shaking violently at being manhandled by Daisy. The she yelped terrified with the cop killed Mike Crew without remorse._   
  


_Jon wanted to do nothing else than to rush to her side and hold her, try to protect her because now he was sure that Daisy might killed her as well. Leave no witnesses...human or not. But he was unable to do anything than to look at her wordlessly, hoping that she'll at least feel comforted at his acknowledge._   
  


_If they were going to die...then they wouldn't be alone at least._   
  


_Daisy started to search his bag for any weapons to discard, not that he owned any. Just a small pocket knife, the one Jenny had given him for his birthday ("In case we'd get trapped in a spooky pocket dimension again!"). Daisy just threw Jenny's little sketchbook carelessly at the dirt, deeming it useless after a few pages._   
  


_Something clenched at Jon's heart at seeing that._   
  


_Then Daisy found the tape recorder, turned on, and became furious. Jon tried to ask why she was doing this and then Daisy attacked him, threating to cut Jon's throat open with the blunt pocket knife._   
  


_And that was when something possessed Jenny to finally react._   
  


_Jenny threw herself at Daisy, angry and fearful. "NO! I won't let you do this, you monster!" She screamed at the police._   
  


_Daisy was swift and quick at an counter attack. One kick to Jenny's stomach and then dragging her down at the ground, with a fistful of orange hair in a tight grip. Jenny wailed and cried out in fear and pain. Her entire body was trembling now on the ground. Daisy had released her hair, but had Jenny steady by pressing a foot on her back._   
  


_Jon was openly panicking, held tightly against the tree with the knife's blade digging into his throat and breaking the skin, making contact with meat and blood..._   
  


_Unable to help Jenny, shaking fearfully on the ground and would be the next to die if he was killed first._   
  


_Then Basira came. In the eleventh hour._

* * *

His throat were covered by bandages, his hand were being properly treated with gauze.  
  


Jenny's wrist were also being treated, although not without causing Martin nearly going at a furious rampage at whoever have hurt his baby sister. It took Tim nearly an hour to finally calm him down, but whatever he said or did worked.  
  


Jon let her lie down at the cot inside the document room, her arm wrapped around her stomach. It was most likely to bruise horribly by tomorrow, but right now, she was wincing in pain. She wasn't shaking so badly as she did in the forest, but Jon saw her hands tremble a bit.  
  


Christ...this day has truly been traumatizing for her. And he was the major cause of it. If only Jenny just stayed with Georgie...then she wouldn't be so hurt, because of him.  
  


The confrontation with Elias hadn't been so great. But Jon had noticed when Elias saw the state of Jenny, something in his cold and grey eyes began to suddenly burn.   
  


_"Detective Tonner. Whatever you do with others, I don't care for. But I don't want to hear that you have touched so much as a strand of hair on my fianceé. Otherwise there will be...dire consequences."_   
  


His tone had been so cold. Angry. Furious. Protective.  
  


Fianceé. Jenny was his fianceé...engaged.   
  


Jon had no idea.   
  


Did this mean that he just kidnapped her when they were running from Leitner's murdered corpse? Had he put her into dangerous peril? Was Elias putting the blame on him, about Jenny's injuries?  
  


"Jenny." He started, from his spot where he sat at the edge of the cot, looking down at Jenny who lied down. "I had a...discussion with Elias. About choices and...ah, humanity."  
  


He didn't know what he expected for reaction, but something in her seem to become stiff.   
  


"I asked if I was even human anymore. Judging of what he told me, it's most likely that I am not. At least not anymore and I didn't even know." Jon continued. "Then when I said that I didn't asked for this, Elias informed me that while I didn't ask for it...I absolutely chose this. That I sought knowledge and chose to see."  
  


Jenny was quiet and different from earlier, she was avoiding his eyes.   
  


"Jenny." Jon said. "Do you know what that means?"  
  


More silence, both fear and hesitation was written in her face. Like she was desperately hiding something...  
  


"Jenny, did you chose this or did you not-"  
  


"Yes, I did chose this and yes, I know of the Beholding. Always have. Happy?"  
  


Jon stared at her, horrofied and unable to understand what she just said. She...knew? This whole time, she had known of the Eye...what the Institute was and...what Elias was. This entire time when he was chasing for answers, for knowledge and to find out what this was...she already knew it.  
  


Jenny sighed and met his eyes. "...I'm sorry. I really wanted to tell you, I was planning to tell you as soon we finished up the meeting with Mike Crew. I had planned on what to say by the time we left's Georgie's flat! But then Daisy showed up and I became so scared...I couldn't find the words out and I could only react once you were attacked-"  
  


She was going off, blabbering at no end. Jon suddenly felt awful for triggering such shame from her.  
  


"Jenny-Jenny, stop!" Jon held up his hand and winced at the movement. "I...ah, I believe you! Yes...I believe you. I just...know that you wouldn't lie to me, not after what we've gone through. I saw how terrified you was, the entire time from when we were cast into vertigo...and when we were in that forest."  
  


Jenny's brown eyes were filled with such sadness and remorse. "Jon...I'm so sorry. It's just that...I'm not human. I didn't know how to tell you without you would turn on me!"  
  


Once he heard that, Jon understood. Her fears was validated. He would've probably turned against her if she just blurted out the truth. But now, after the revelations and his conversation with Elias...he could hardly blame her anymore.  
  


"How long...have you been an avatar?"  
  


Jenny was quiet for a long while, her eyes narrowed in thought. "Don't really know. I've...I've always been curious since I was a child, since that...awful book. I could've shut my eyes...or just run away, but I didn't. I just sat there, hidded and watched. Maybe already there? I don't know...or was it when I kept doing my little investigations, sneaking out at night and seeking for paranormal things at old, abandoned places? Probably. It didn't became clear what I was, until after I met Elias and I just...knew that it was fate. I met him at the place I was supposed to come to. It wasn't until after he told me what I suspected...that it existed within me, deep in the core of my soul. All I had to do was to embrace it. Never again, I'd be stuck like this. Unable to do this and that, because of my condition."  
  


"C-condition?"  
  


Jenny gave a mirthless laugh. "My _dear_ mum's genes gave me the same chronical illness she's suffering." She said sarcastically and her eyes hardened. "Cursed with a sickness I'll never be rid of. Never to run fast or do any exhausting activities. Constantly trapped with a weak, sick body and the awful knowledge that I'll forever live with it, until the illness overcame me and killed me in the end." She took a deep breath. "Suddenly I just knew the Eye's powers was deep inside me, idle and waiting. It felt like I cracked my soul open and embraced it, accepted it and then I was...free. Finally free."  
  


"You're not ill anymore." Jon said. It wasn't a question, but a statement. "The Eye...took away your ailment, removing it in exchange for your humanity?"  
  


Jenny nodded. "Yes."  
  


Jon became saddened by this. "Was it worth it?" He whispered. "Is the Eye worth the price of your humanity?"  
  


"Yes, I believe so." Jenny said with determination in her eyes. "I want to live, Jon. For real and the Eye gave me back a life I was supposed to have. Everything I wished to do...I can do it now. Besides...I think I was meant for the Eye. It feels like...I'm home."  
  


Regardless of her decisions, Jon knew that his friendship with her was built on a pure loyalty and a sibling-like love. He couldn't scold her for that, she was in the end just a girl who wanted to desperately live like everyone else. Just to have a chance and the Eye had given her that.   
  


And whatever Elias was...he couldn't deny that he loved and worshipped Jenny as his greatest treasure.


End file.
